About a Girl

i’ve been happy these past couple of days. really happy. but right now i’m sad. and i’m exhausted and i am so fucking stressed out from school and i want to pull my hair out. but that wouldn’t be good at all. and i think i might just completely forget about Edward and not like anybody at all and just focus on school. and studying for my permit. i can’t stop my whole life for someone who doesn’t even know i exist. i love him so much but i can’t wait for him anymore- i just can’t do it anymore. i’ll always love him and my heart will always hurt because i know i’ll never get to hold him or kiss him or tell him how cute he always looks and how my heart stops whenever i see him. 

but i have so much going on at the moment and i can’t handle it. 

i’ll always love Edward though. even though this is his last year and he’ll be going away to college and will probably meet the girl of his dreams there but that’s okay i guess i’m just used to it. and the sad part is i’m not even saying that to be dramatic lol

i do appreciate every single thing i have in my life now. these past couple of days have been very eye-opening for me. i think i am also going to be making another tumblr page. one that is happy and positive and has LIFE. i’m still going to be writing on this one though. 

‘bye <3

(Source: s-ophiee)

Hi.

So if you actually take the time to read everything i write on my blog and are following me, i just want you to know i genuinely appreciate it. if not, that’s cool, i understand. tumblr is honestly just a way to vent for me, and that’s what i’m doing right now.

As you may know, everything i post is usually sad/depressing. Even when i blog about my life. But i’m trying to be better. I don’t want to be sad anymore. I don’t want to be depressed anymore, having suicidal thoughts. I want to be happy and feel good and alive again. 

I want to live my life to the fullest after watching Ben BreedLove’s video on youtube. Rest in peace, Babes<333 God bless you. I want to be so happy again like i used to be. I don’t want to be sad and miserable for no reason. I have almost everything a girl would ever want in my life and for that, i am truly blessed i am not lucky, and i feel so disgustingly selfish for taking advantage of my charmed life. 

As of right now, Xavier is back, and i am sosososososososo happy. I love him to death and he is my little brother. And I’m kind of excited to have two new cousins this year! omg this spring i’ll have my little baby cousin Dom :) And then this August, my Uncle Ed and his gf will have another baby! I can’t believe it either. I just hope that everything between my Uncle and his gf will work out and Xavier will stay with my family<3333.

My family might be disfunctional, my friends may sometimes be lame and not want to hang out with me, and i might be sad and lonely because of that but you know what? life is too fucking short to be sad every single damn day. So, i’m typing this on my MacBook Pro, watching Scream4 and in my plaid pajama bottoms and warm fuzzy socks. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And sure, the boy of my dreams is graduating this year and i’m so tragically in love with him but you know what? i feel invincible. i will work up the courage to talk to him one of these days. i know i will. and my heart is telling me to, because you never know what good could come out of it.

I am going to be happyhappyhappy and radiate positivity from now on. Sure, i’ll be miserable once school starts up again but i am going to try. Try really fucking hard because in my life i want to be succesful and don’t want to miss out on amazing options. I want to feel good and i want to laugh all the time and smile again and want to float about gracefully and happily like i used to. 

That’s all.

That’s my New Year’s Resolution: to be happy. 

I deserve to be, after all. I have everything anyone could ever want.

Goodnight.<33333333

everything sucks in general but lately this past week has sucked more than anything. because X is gone and i miss him so much that it hurts and i don’t know if he’ll ever be back. i want to have hope and want him to come back. i won’t be happy until he’s back.